Sunday, September 6, 2009

a place of peace in the center of contradiction

Each person lives within their own perspective.
Memories converge, then diverge.
Leading to misunderstanding, confusion, heartbreak.
At first, I withdrew. Then, I left town.
When I returned, her perspective still ran counter to my own.
One day, she said, "I guess I did leave you alone with him."
But then, the slide into contradiction.
"But he was always so good to me."
I threw the phone.

It has taken a lifetime to sit with my mother and love her without rancor.
Her old age has softened her will, enlightened her memories..
She still challenges.
Friends are confused when I tell them I argue with my mother.
Infrequent, yes. But I would say, "When she is no longer able and willing to argue, I'll stop."
It keeps her young, I rationalize.
She will still talk about politics, discouraged by the world's turn toward something she doesn't recognize.
She still learns. She still discusses. She fights. She repents. She thinks.
After a discussion in which I share my thoughts, she will think about what I said and come back to it.
I admire her.
I always did, but her life experience, her memories sometimes made me feel as if I was slightly crazy.
Fortunately, my mother and I have been given the gift of her longevity to reach a place of peace in the center of contradiction.
Unfortunately, we have been given the curse of her longevity. She no longer wants to be here, she says, but then gets up and puts on her makeup.

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